Well, That Was A Quick One Wasn't It.

Eheu !

You'll need to look up the above - best place to start is How To Be Topp by Ronald Searle and Geoffrey Willans - one of my favourite books.

Anyway, firstly a Happy Seasonal Season to you all - thanks for reading and putting up with some bonkers off-kilter photography related stuff!
As I've said before, this is an Empire Of One, so I can write whatever I like, but if you've enjoyed what you've read, Thank You - it is very much appreciated.

Anyway, in common with recent years, this is a photographic run-down from me.
I certainly took more pictures this year, but not quite enough . . . but isn't that always the case?

It's been a weird and good year - weird from the point of view that I purchased two (very good) secondhand digital cameras, and weird from the point of view that I no longer own either of them!

I've not bought any film related stuff this year simply because I've got it all and any further expense seems rather daft.

I also managed to cement a few things in my mind:

I'm not in the slightest bit interested in digital photography.
Quite a statement eh?
And even though writing this and holidays etc render it semi-necessary . . . I just can't get excited about it.
Not quite sure why, but anyway, that's just me.

I'm also not really a 35mm photographer either.
Never one for doing things by halves, that's another quite a statement.
Even though 35mm film has been used this year I have barely used any of my 35mm cameras at all, which again is kind of daft when you think about it, seeing as I own 6!

Suitably A-tyred

Yes, I know the above photo belies what I just said, but the reason it has been slipped in here is because I like the image and thought it would be a good one to head up the thumbnails at the side of the page.

Despite my semi-aversion to 35mm photography, I was really tempted around the start of summer to go Bugger It! and purchase a dual-range Summicron with some funds I'd released from selling guitar gear.
Unfortunately I didn't.
And that's not like me at all - but something stopped me.
It was pretty significant too, because the DR was something I've wanted for a long long time, but anyway, that's for further down this page!

So, without further ado, grip your zimmers, here's a really boring round-robin of my year!

JANUARY

Well, I started how I meant to go on, and that meant ACTION!
I loaded a roll of Tri-X (probably the last time I'll use it as it is now too expensive!) into the F3 with the 28mm AI-s and off I went - 25 photos in around an hour and a half.
It was major FUN - there's a lot to be said for Nikon's old Automatic Indexing System - it just works and very reliably too.

Seabraes Yard Walkway With Willy Wonka, Dundee

I enjoyed it so much, that later in the month I used another roll!

Broken Seabraes Yard Bridge, Dundee

Seabraes Yard Lift 1, Dundee

Seabraes Yard Lift 2, Dundee

All the above are scans off the negs - never got as far as printing that lot . . .

Early in January the weather was truly dreich and 'orrible up here, but that didn't stop me - I loaded the SWC with some HP5 and whilst out for a lovely walk with t'missus, blasted through 12 frames.

Unfortunately, whether it was too much rum imbibed or a genuine fault with my light meter, the film was well-underexposed. I was gutted!

View From Seabraes Bridge, With Rain And Bonus Gloom

That's a scan from the print - I had to use Pot-Ferry to bleach back the highlights a bit, but even then it was exceptionally difficult to print.

And so started a period of doubt about the Gossen - I wasn't sure about it even though I re-tested it against meters I knew were working (the F3 and the Sony A6000, and Lux on a piephone).

FEBRUARY

On a lovely crisp morning's walk, I was so impressed with the light on the way back, that I went home, loaded the 500 C/M with HP5 (my new main squeeze - thank you Dave Lee Roth) and went out again, toting the 150mm Sonnar - worra lens.
It helped me make what I think is probably one of the best people pictures I've taken - not that I take many people pictures, but all the same.
It was of well-known Dundee grafitti artist C-Gul.
He's a really nice chap and is very amenable to having his portrait taken. I generally bump into him about once a year.

Monsieur C-Gul esq.

I also finished off another roll of Tri-X that I'd started at the end of January - again the F3/28mm AIs combo worked perfectly.

Time Dilation, Perth

At the end of the month, I'd planned a mountain trip, but a dodgy knee stopped me, so instead I went (nearly) to Balmerino along the Fife Coastal Path.

The whole adventure was detailed in 101 Uses For A (Nearly) Dead Sheep.

Quiet Riverside Morning, Wormit

MARCH

You know what, nothing photographic happened in March apart from some printing, so here's a scan of a print to fill up the blank space.

Hall Of Light - Trainworld, Brussels

The above is another of my Brussels photographs - it was taken with the F3/28mm AI-s combo - of all my prints of recent times, this is the one I have hanging in my study - there's just something about it.
If you're ever in Brussels, and even if you DON'T like trains, this is one of the very best museums in the world . . .

There, that's better isn't it.

APRIL

Ah, well some people would call it unlucky, but me? nah, brilliant. I started a 4 day working week, which initially was novel, but at the end of the year proved to be an absolute panacea to my adult working life - everyone should do it. Time is the most precious thing we don't own.

Suitably bouyed with enthusiasm, I hit the mountains!

The whole adventure was written about in Pastures Unknown

And here's a pic from then.

Wild Party Going On

At the end of the month, with the early morning light improving, I got up pre-dawn and hit the town on Easter morning.

The light was astonishing, but what sealed it to me was a group of Christians standing beside the River Tay and reading bible passages at dawn. Were it not for the fact that they were dressed in modern garb, drove Hyundais, and were standing next to the V&A, you could literally have been removed in time back hundreds of years.

It was humbling, moving and awe-inspiring all at the same time.

Easter Morning Prayer, V&A Dundee

I did a fair amount of printing in April, courtesy of new found freedom, however I soon replaced that with a list of jobs I had been putting off for years . . .

MAY

Did some more printing in May, but no photographing, so here's a print made then . .

Vandalised Gigantic Poster, Brussels

This was made the year previously on the F3/28mm combo, in Brussels no less. All the black faces have been picked off - nice to see they have racists over there too (he said ironically).
Truth be told, this was a pissing spot for drunks, so I guess anything would have been 'done' anyway.

JUNE

June was a mad month.

My son suddenly declared he'd need a camera for an upcoming European road trip - 8 countries in a few weeks no less - he's braver than I was at his age.

Film flashed through my mind, and I thought how about a Nikkormat - cheapish, hands-on and reliable . . but then, when he declared he wanted to use ONLY colour my thinking changed.

Anyway, after a wee test out in Perthshire to see how it would handle things, I thought I'd entrust him with the Sony A6000.

Therein lay another problem - I'd only used it with an adaptor and manual Nikkors, and he declared he wanted something with a zoom!

OK old bean I thought, have the shirt off my back why dontcha, you young 'uns . . etc etc . . 

Now I know what you're thinking, prime lenses only that's the sort of man I am, and despite my having explained it all to him, about compromises with zooms vs, tip-top imaging with a prime, it was no good . . so I ended up getting the kit lens for the Sony, the 16-50 zoom - to give it its correct terminology:

Sony E 16-50mm f3.5-5.6 OSS

It was cheap at WEX with a year's guarantee, and you know what . . it's alright!

Riverside Bridge, Seabrae Yards, Dundee

And that left me with a conundrum.

We were going to Rome.

I was supposed to be taking the F3/28mm, our 11 year old Panasonic digital compact, and also the Sony, except now it was no longer in the equation.

So I started thinking digitally and the upshot of it was, I purchased a great condition Nikon D300S with  a 18-70 f3.4/4.5 zoom as my travel camera and married it up, because of bulk and weight, with the Leica M2 and a collapsible Elmar (1932  vintage) and also the old Panasonic digi.

When I initially got the D300S I did a shoot-out with it and the SW . . the SW won of course, but the D300S was no slouch.

DJCA Alley, Dundee
Nikon D300S and Zoooooooooom

DJCA Alley, Dundee
Hasselblad SWC/M And Shoe-Leather Zoooooooom

I thought the D300S would be the dog's bahookies - the ideal machine for getting all that colourful Roman stuff!

And whilst it was a fine (really fine actually) photo-making machine, my goodness, it was like schlepping an anchor around in 90 degree heat . . in other words I quickly began to hate it.

Monumento a Vittorio Emanuele II - Panoramic Terrace Lift

See what I mean - no issues with colours or sharpness, and it was fortunate we had it, because halfway through the holiday, we left the Panasonic behind on a bench and despite heading back for it 20 minutes odd later, some thieving Roman git had had it.

I will say, if you go to Rome, whilst it is a lovely place, don't do something like this, because the Roman Police department will give you no help at all, and neither will the locals.

So that was that, our holiday camera gone and it had all the sensible pics on it too.

The D300S was employed and ended up taking the rest of the holiday snaps.

The Vatican On A Quiet Afternoon

Fractured Holiday View

Plastic Seagull, Rome

On the whole, I like the results from the Nikon, but by comparison, the M2 was a revelation and easily the most fun to use 35mm I've ever toted around.

It was just so damn instinctive and quick and quiet and svelt.

In other words PURE JOY.

Stuffed Swans Trapped In The Vatican

When we got back from Rome, we still had anudder week, so I used the M2 with the 35mm Summaron. Here's a pic taken in tiny light onboard the Unicorn in Dundee.

The print looks like it has been lithed, but it's the result of extreme bleaching in pot-ferry - to me it looks like something washed up after a nuclear disaster and has a poignancy I can't place.

Tiny Light, HMS Unicorn, Dundee

JULY

Y'see that D300S?

It developed a noise or two (weird hums n' stuff) . . so I sent it back to WEX and they were superb about it letting me exchange it . . for . . anudder digi-cam - a Fuji X2ES with a 27mm Pancake.

It was more expensive, but is easily the nicest digital camera I've handled.

Intuitive, VERY lightweight, light on sub-menus (unless you wanted to) and relatively unfootery.

A camera with some thought put into it.

It also took a cracking picture too - I was delighted.

Victorianised Dell

Have These Students Got Nothing Better To Do, Part 1

Have These Students Got Nothing Better To Do, Part 2

I also finished processing my Roman films in July and was astonished at what a brilliant little lens the ancient Elmar was.
Honest, just about the cheapest Leitz-branded lens you can buy.
I use mine with a Voigtlander adapter as it is a screw-mount one.
I also used it with a Fison hood and it was a royal pain to change aperture, but it just made me approach things differently - think before you shoot and be prepared.

Quiet Graveyard

Look at the creaminess of those greys - quite unlike anything else I own.

AUGUST

Y'see that Fuji?

Guess what . . . it developed an occasional hum when the shutter was operated, so, not wanting to saddle myself with a faulty camera, I sent it back, got a refund and decided there and then that digital photography was not for me.

I simply couldn't be arsed to be honest, even faced with some excellent pixel-peepin'-poppin'-and-a snappin' sharp images from the Fuji - they just did nothing for me at all, so I nailed my trousers to the mast and said nah.

The Sony is now our holiday cam, simply because with the loss of our dear old Panasonic, we have nothing else . . well, I still have my ancient Olympus MjU . . !

So, in celebration of my new-found freedom from having to think about something else, I mounted my ancient Canon LTM 50mm f1.8 - the "Japanese Summicron", on the M2, and you know, I think that seems to be a pretty good description

The below is a typical pic.

As they say round these parts in a West Country accent:

"Look a tha' bokee on tha'"

Tyre Dump, Spokes, Dundee

The Canon was probably the second cheapest lens I've bought for Leicas - it was originally going to be mounted on the fungusy IIIf!

However I loved it's rendering of detail, greys and the dread bokeeee so much, that it made me think  there was actually no point in buying a DR Summicron.

The money would be better employed elsewhere, and so it was.

Near the end of the month, I was all set for a hillwalk, but somehow talked myself out of it (well, actually it was gale force winds that did the talking) and ended up photographing the footings of the Tay railbridge instead - a slippy shitey journey, but semi-worth it, even without anywhere on my tripod to attach the camera . . .

Tay Rail Bridge Footings

And at the end of the month I did actually get to do a hillwalk, albeit one curtailed by mist and cowardice.

It was all detailed in Fun With Rocks And Mist (Again).

Quiet Glade

SEPTEMBER

Gawd does all he do, is go on holiday?

Well no, but we had a few nights in Edinburgh and it was really wonderful.

The weather was half decent for a start, and as an added bonus, I spared the missus all the usual:

 "Hold it, can you wait a sec"

moves and didn't take a film camera.

The Sony sufficed and actually got some semi-decent images.

Whisky Galore!

Quiet Morning

Shop Display, Edinburgh

Who Are You And Why Are You Taking My Photograph?

Remember these are all taken with what is effectively a budget lens for the Sony - none too tardy are they!

I especially like the last one - I was randomly snapping the bloke behind the bar, but fortunately the chap with the audio-guide looked directly at the camera!

And that was it photographically for September.

OCTOBER

The weather in October was mostly ghastly tbh and photographically the only thing I did, was accept an invite to a gallery opening (Printspace in Newport) to see the Edinburgh Lo-Fi exhibition which I enjoyed, but could have done with some more photographs! Printspace is a really nice gallery and shop run by Sheila and Alan Borthwick who used to run the Tayside Scottish Photographers Meetings. You can have a butchers at this link

It got me thinking that I should really start rummaging through my prints and getting myself together - empetus for the Winter months.

But in the meantime, here's another print from the archives . . gads that blank page stuff is awful isn't it.

Ghost Discovered In Abandoned Tent

The above was taken a couple of years ago with the Sonnar, beside a campsite (in a cutting). 

The tent had obviously been rendered useless and had been chucked over the fence into the cutting. 

It looked totally incongruous in the gloom, so I photographed it with the 500 C/M and the 150mm Sonnar. 

This is a pretty good demo of the Sonnar's qualities. 

It is a scan off a print made on Ilford Grade 2 Galerie (RIP).

On a sad note (for me) Mr. Malcolm Thompson died. Malcolm I have known for years - he ran a small but busy lab (Studio M) and has taken photographs all his life - in latter years he taught B&W at the DCA. I'll always remember him as a passionate jazz fan who was grumpy and kind all at the same time - he also took some very fine photographs, and even with Parkinson's disease which meant he had to sell his 5x4 camera, and found his Rollei SL66 too big to use, still took photographs with whatever lightweight device came to hand.

R.I.P Malcolm.

And the other sad note alluded to above is that I discovered Ilford had discontinued Galerie - the best fibre paper ever made. I can understand the financial aspect, but all the same it was gutting.

Luckily I still have a box of 100 sheets of 8x10" Grade 2. 

To be used wisely methinks!

NOVEMBER

OK, it's a run-off from another holiday at the end of October/start of Novemember, but the main photographic thing I did was detailed in The Crunge

There was another film taken at the end of the month though, but I am just not sure what I feel about the images - they were pretty rough and quickly taken AND I haven't contacted or printed any of them yet  . . .

This being said, despite having had a wee break from thinking about cameras and photography, I can feel it building again.

DECEMBER

Well, that's where we are now and as this is being published, we've hit the Solstice and are on the up-ramp to lighter nights - WOOHOO!!.
Anyway, I'll wind this ramble up - if you have time off lined up . . what are you waiting for? Get out there and take some photographs - you know it's good for you!
And remember, it doesn't matter if nobody looks at your photos, so long as you are enjoying them and learning something and training your eye all at the same time, that's all that counts.

Misty Night In The Garden

And The Same Scene Reversed

The above illustrates my old adage about taking a picture of a scene or whatever and then turning round - the scene behind can often be as interesting.

Anyway, on the whole, don't you think that photography has become pretty much meaningless in today's world?

That's why we need to start thinking about it differently.

Thinking about why we do it and what (if) any purpose there is to it.
It does seem like a mug's game; an expensive (and getting more expensiver) game that only means something to you, the photographer.

Actually, just reading that again, I wonder what really is the point in it?
I mean (and not to piss on your chips or anything) actually, is there any point? 

Is it just an amusement to while away the hours till death? 

What does anything mean to anyone outwith your social circle anyway?


I suppose, just like any creative pursuit, it is almost impossible to quantify.
We do it because we want to, because it gives us pleasure, and hope; twisted narcissism and satisfaction!
So, far from going all nihilistic on you, I'll just say, if you enjoy it, DO IT.
Hang the expense and hang the pain in the neck when things go wrong - and with printing and taking they often can do!

Talking of which (finally) welcome to The Hairiest Print In The World (Retouched).

Have You Finished Yet, Y'Old Git?

I found this whilst rummaging and love the imagery - Alec Turnips was all knackered after a long walk, and was patient (just about) enough to let me take his picture.
It was made with the old Rollei T at f3.5 and just shows what an incredible lens a Zeiss Tessar is.
I've retouched it a bit on the Mac but it really is an incredibly hairy print, made a long time ago when I was farting around with anti-static brushes on negatives.
The bloody thing (and it was a really good one) deposited more dust than it removed. These days, using the Astrid Ioniser as my baseline, I find a scissor wipe with my first and second finger removes pretty much everything.

Anyway, that's enough - you're knackered and need a break too.

I'll leave the final words to Mr. DH Lawrence. A man who knew a bit about writing.

I've known this poem since buying Mott The Hoople's Mott album in 1973 - he got it right:

A Sane Revolution

If you make a revolution, make it for fun,
don’t make it in ghastly seriousness,
don’t do it in deadly earnest,
do it for fun.

Don’t do it because you hate people,
do it just to spit in their eye.

Don’t do it for the money,
do it and be damned to the money.

Don’t do it for equality,
do it because we’ve got too much equality
and it would be fun to upset the apple-cart
and see which way the apples would go a-rolling.

Don’t do it for the working classes.
Do it so that we can all of us be little aristocracies on our own
and kick our heels like jolly escaped asses.

Don’t do it, anyhow, for international Labour.
Labour is the one thing a man has had too much of.
Let’s abolish labour, let’s have done with labouring!
Work can be fun, and men can enjoy it; then it’s not labour.
Let’s have it so! Let’s make a revolution for fun!

And on that note, thanks for making it this far. Have a fantastic Christmas and a positive, happy and  totally creative New Year.
TTFN, and remember sprouts are supposed to be eaten, not hidden under a rug, in a plant pot or in someone else's pockets . . .

Tot quot, clot!

Ogden's Not Gone Flake

Morning folks - this is a brief one, rather like those undies you used to wear when you were young . .. sigh, oh so different to the rubber-lined buckets that are required with old age . . . not wearing those?

Oh lucky person.

I was actually a fan of 'commando' for most of my early life . . . yes I can hear the titters around the world; initially it was a comfort thing, but come the big world of work, you try working with a shrink-wrap machine in a stockroom with no windows and no ventilation in 95° Farenheit of dry, plastic-debris filled heat. It was no fun (as well as being exceptionally detrimental to my health - thank you Virgin Records) and add to the mix tight stretch jeans (now commonplace on the UK High Street, but in my day, special order jobs from the States no less) and you have a recipe for some of the worst heat-rash known to man . . . so . . . 'commando' it was.

Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear I am still alive after another Summer of DIY and (sadly) very little printing.
Some photographic things have changed.
The Canon EOS has gone. It was a nice camera and all that, but to be honest, was little used and I just couldn't get on with the lens - no character.
So what did I do with my £260? (A little aside, that was a loss of around £90 in under a year . . . good old technology)
More didge I am afraid - this time the little Sony A6000. Steve and I had a conversation in which he said that even though it hadn't arrived (at the time) I'd end up hating it . . . by the end of the convo I had sold it to him in advance for a fiver . . oh how we larfed!
And the reason for this madness? well as you're no doubt aware, there's a plethora of adapters available for the Sony E mount, so I got a Metabones one for my most numerous of lenses, the Nikon F mount. Why Metabones when I could have bought a £10 one from ebay? Build and binding. The Metabones is brass and stainless steel, it won't bind to lens or camera - if you've ever had a brown-trouser moment from trying to get an aluminium filter off the front of an expensive lens and failing, then you'll realise how important brass is to camera screwy things.

You'll know my feelings about Nikons of course - ever reliable and useable.
I had the choice in my armoury of the 28mm f3.5 Nikkor, or one of my 35mm's (a f2 'O' and a f2.8 'K' Series). In a few brief trials, the 35mm 'O' won out and that is what is now mounted to it (with its front protected by a 1960's Nikon Skylight filter).
It's approximately equivalent to 46mm in old money, in other words slightly short of yer trad 'standard' lens.
Having only ever used these pre-Ai Nikkors in monochrome and with film I have to say it has been a total joy to see their character revealed in living Technicolor.
I am rather pleased actually, and whilst this line-up will never replace any film camera, you know what (whisper it) as modern cameras go, the Sony is surprisingly well thought out and more of a photographer's camera than a thing you stare at, look at the offending menu and say to yourself "What the feck did I just do?" (as was the case with the Canon).
In other words, whilst the options are there in spades, they can quickly be smashed out of the way to allow you to use the camera more like an film SLR from the 1990's.
Everything just works(ish).
So, here's some examples of ancient glass at work in a modern environment  - they won't win photographer of the year, but I like them.

See what I mean - yes there's flare and all the wonderful messy shite people seem to spend half their life trying to eliminate these days, but they have character and are not at all tardy for a lens from about 1971.

If only my pants from that time still delivered these results . . . sadly they've gone to the great skidmark in the sky . . . farewell my famous old Jockey yellow and brown (trimmed, not stained) Y-fronts.

And that's it folks - just a quickie. I've got lots of other traditionally-themed stuff lined up, but I just need to get my act together.
I am sure I will - Scotland is now quickly adopting an Autumnal hue - it's dark when I get up . . where did the Summer go?
TTFN and remember, mony a mickle maks a muckle.

A Brief Word About Lenses

Greetings Shipmates!
Well, what a week it has been. We been helping Mr.Sheephouse out, and we're plain knackered. It was shifting boxes here, shifting boxes there; sorting out this, sorting out that; a scritchin' and a scatchin' with a quill; use of the magnifier.
We even purloined a light.
Not just any light either but The Stevenson on the Mull O'Galloway.
Oh yes, up there at night, pieces of glass held up against its God-like brightness, checking for imperfections and blemishes.
What a week for it.
We settled in at the Stevenson though, even though we weren't supposed to be there. You can't beat a lighthouse in good weather and this is a beauty.
Clear views to the Lakes and the Isle 'O'Man and Ireland. Puffins and gulls. Wide vistas and clean air.
It also has the best collection  of snails I have ever seen (on a south facing wall) - there be hunners o' them - big too. We likes a snail or six, quick fried with garlic an' butter.
Mog hates them though, so he had to make do with a few tins o'Kattomeat from a local emporium.
Oh yes, what a week.
And then when everything was checked it was back on the Goode Shippe FB and off on the seas of ether.
We's got a long haul ahead of us this week though, he's threatening to lock us in his darkroom again so we might be out of signalling distance for some while.
Still, at least we've got a couple o'hunnerweight o'snails to keep us company.

***

I will warn you in advance - there are a lot of photographs in this weeks FB.

It is strange really and doesn't seem to make any sense at all, but quite a number of years ago, a weird phenomena overtook the world of photography, and it doesn't actually seem to be getting any less. If anything it is on the increase. And I find it hard to get myself into the mindset-cave where it is residing like some big cave-dwelling thing, waiting to devour passers-by.

Surely, photography, any form of photography, is all about the image.
I would hope that any of you reading this that aren't even of a photographic bent would realise this. Snaps of Aunty Tony and Uncle Sally, Nobby the Cat, your children, neighbours, friends, that tree that looms over your garden, a house, a bowl of pasta . . . get my drift . . . a photograph needs subject matter, and more to the point, the subject matter needs to be the reason for the photograph.

I've been doing a lot of legwork in the ether in the past few weeks, checking out lenses and their out of focus characteristics, and also the way they handle contrast and skin tones and detail, and having done all this, I have come to the conclusion that photography, which was once a means to an end, seems to have become an end to a means.

I'm going to be contentious here, but at the risk of getting my baseball cap knocked off my head by the youth with the cudgel, I'll say it anways:

Photography, looks like it has become almost exclusively a 'lads' hobby.

There . .

OUCH!

Let me try and explain how I came to this conclusion at the risk of alienating any female readers.
In much the same way when I was young, male teenagers of 14 and 15 and 16 yearned for a Yamaha 125, or a Kracker (Kawasaki) or a Suzuki moped, now, men (and some women, but mostly men) of a certain age, seem to have have become obsessed with cameras and lenses.
And it is a strange obsession, because it doesn't actually seem to have anything to do with what you can do with a camera. No, it is more of a 'let's-have-it-up-on-the-ramps-and lets-check-this-beauty-from-underneath' type of attitude.

I fully understand that the fascination with the beauty of cameras has been there from the start, and I have that fascination too, however it seems to have turned a corner and now what we are getting is the wholesale grading of every lens ever made with buyers in search of some magical extra something that will make them a better photographer.

So what you have is

Either

everything shot wide open,

Or

everything shot with a regard as to how sharp a picture is.

If it isn't sharp or if it isn't pleasantly smooth, then the lens seems to get disparaged.

Subject matter has nothing to do with it.

Common problems like closeness of subject matter and it's inherent lack of depth of focus, and landscapes and apparent depth of field, are discarded. Hardly anyone mentions the use of tripods or monopods in aiding a steady camera, or mentions the influence a mirror will have in its movements. There is no talk of how a lighter-bodied camera can actually make things worse. Photographic technique and craft? Forget it.

If a lens isn't sharp at maximum aperture, if it doesn't have bokeh smoother than James Bond, then it is almost totally disregarded and the madness and hunger drives them ever onwards.

I think I could understand this if interesting photographs were being made, but they aren't.

Not by a hole a million miles wide they aren't.

Lenses, and the whole point for their existence, photographs seem to have become a diversion from the main meat and potatoes.

We have entered the world of the Cool Wall, but with small bits of glass and brass and aluminium and lubricants.

On the Top Gear Cool Wall, millionaire's toys are paraded around with an audience hungry for petrol fumes and 'fun' and a total disregard for anything nearing practicality.

I used to love Top Gear, but I stopped watching it years ago because it became a semi-pathetic parade of middle-aged men strutting around with their flies open.

Everything became about the fastest, loudest, smoothest, most expensive, most exclusive.
'Petrol Heads' the world over fired up by this boy's-own attitude became intent on using up as much of the finite resource that is oil as possible, with scant regard for the planet's future (don't worry . . I'm not going to soapbox)

Do you know what I mean?

And this Bigger, Stronger, Faster, More attitude has now saturated my rather quaint world.

My Morris Minor Convertible has been nicked and pimped.

I spotted it the other day, harassing some Grannies.
Gone are it's wooden panels and old world charm, it is now sporting Twin-Carburettors, a jacked suspension and a 22 inch Sub-Woofer.

Instead of transporting its occupants on a pleasant Sunday drive for a spot of fishing, it now cruises to the nearest Drive-Thru for the consumption of mechanised meat.
(And whilst I am on the subject, if you eat meat, you'd better get used to becoming a vegetarian .  .there's no way we can sustain current meat production for the populations the world has. Remember the hydroponics plants so beloved of Science Fiction films? They're coming my friends. It's the only way to deal with the coming Hungers.)

Anyway, stop looking at your burger . . it's back on with the lecture!

When I started taking photographs I started because it was part of my college course and because my inherent curiosity about the world seemed to click ('scuse the pun) with making a photograph. I became fascinated with what things looked like in Black And White. I also became fascinated with maybe trying to single out things in this crazy world that looked a little different to my eyes. In a few words, I found a creative pursuit that would enable me to express myself in fuller terms than just playing the guitar.

My pursuit was borne of creativity and is still fired by it, and will continue to be so till I stop.

Yes I love cameras, for what they can do, but they are a means to an end and not the other way round.
Anyway, in the interests of the subject matter of this FB, I have compiled my own tongue in cheek

Cool Wall

Sub Zero

Leitz Summicrons and Summiluxes and Noctiluxes

Cooke Portrait lenses

Aero-Ektars

Anything of historical note with an aperture wider than f1.8

Large format lenses from the golden age of Pictorialism

Zeiss Planars and variations thereof

Zeiss Sonnars and variations thereof

Dokter Optik
There's bound to be a few more, but this isn't meant to be a definitive list

Cool

Plastic lenses from plastic cameras

Lens Babys

Nikon/Pentax/Canon/Olympus prime lenses with a highly regarded reputation (Like the Pentax SMC 50mm f1.4)

Ancient prime lenses from the 1950's and '60's

High End Mainstream Manufacturer lenses (the likes of the ED Nikkors)

Lomo

Diana

Kodak Ektar

Anything else other than the pinnacles, with Leitz or Zeiss engraved on it

Some Russian lenses

Nikon and Canon Rangefinder lenses
Certain Schneider, Rodenstock and  Fujinon Large Format lenses
Nikon large format lenses
Hasselblad

Uncool

Zoom  lenses

Praktika

Minolta
Olympus
Canon FD

Most 'ordinary' Rodenstock and Schneider and Fujinon large format lenses

Ordinary mainstream lenses from the likes of Nikon and Pentax and Canon
Rollei MF SLR lenses

Seriously Uncool

Anything by Vivitar, Tamron and other third party manufacturers making lenses for a less well-off mainstream camera buyer

Cheap Bundled mainstream Zoom Lenses

Lenses from people like Soligor - basically manufacturers now long extinct, who were possibly questionable at the time anyway
Zenit

***

You'll probably disagree with the list, but then it is just knocked up with only a tiny amount of thought at a ridiculously early hour of the morning whilst recovering from too much wine, so feel free!

This situation has led me to become convinced that what we now have is a:

Whoargh  

Look at the lens on that! 

Cwoooor
Check out them f-stops 

Cwooooooorrrrr 

Gauss?
Gauss! 

CWOOOAR 

Tessar?
Whooooohhh
Got Symmetrical Dialyte?
Drool

situation.

So, is there any point in this activity at all?

To be honest, I think the answer to that is no, and yet everyone seems to do it!

I'll just ask one question (and the ghosts of Eugene and Ansel and Henri and Wynn and Edward and Clarence are right behind me on this):

Are you going to make a photograph with that lens or are you just going to snap away at random objects and then see how sharp/smooth your new acquisition is? 

It is almost getting to the point where one questions a photograph anyway these days.

This is an enormously complicated subject and way beyond FB, because I could ramble on for far longer than anyone could be bothered with, but the photographic world seems to be morphing (a terrible word) between having a tool that one uses to interpret your take on the world and a gleaming chunk of metal that you polish on your driveway every week.

Faster.
Sharper.
Smoother.
More Expensive . . .

Does this make any sense to you? I sort of know what I am trying to say, but I am finding it hard to express myself (unusually).

Anyway, I have actually been there and done it, but only in a modest manner.

I've printed and checked and enlarged, and I will now bring out my soapbox and say that really it doesn't seem to matter very much at all.

What matters most is your subject and the way you have observed it.

That my friends is the whole point of picking up a camera in the first place.

It is your recorder of the world you are travelling through.

Anyway, enough of my personal opinions - you lot must get sick to the high teeth of them . . but as I have said before this Blog is my little domain and I can do what I like.

Just to show how very little difference things make (to me) I have included some images made with prime lenses from several different manufacturers.

It isn't an exhaustive list, just what I have to hand.

The only slight difference between any of them is film - it is a mix of Rollei RPX 100, Kodak Tri-X and TMAX 400 and Ilford Delta 400, and camera - SLR and Rangefinder, and camera-shake.

See if you can see a difference that is worth spending hours mulling over, other than the fact that the subject matter might or might not be interesting.

I apologise for the alignment - I couldn't be arsed finding out how to do it properly, plus I ran out of time . . . also the horizontal banding on some of them is from my ***ing scanner . . .

Here goes:

The above were made using a Pre-Ai 50mm f1.4 Nikkor on a Nikon F2.

Possibly my favourite lens - totally sharp wide open and detailed stopped down.

These were from the highly regarded SMC-M Pentax 50mm f1.4, used on a Pentax MX . .

Notice much difference?

The OOFA on this lens was always particularly nice.

And again - the above were from a 1980's Russian 50mm f2 Jupiter 8 used on a 1950's Leica.

Whacker-whacker-whacker . . can you tell what it is yet?

Character is what you get with this lens  - it is soft but does that make a difference?

The three above are from a pantheon of photographic achievement - quite remarkable seeing as it is nearly 80 years old . . a 1934 50mm f3.5 leitz Elmar (uncoated).

A very well made lens with great qualities.

Better in the 3 to 30 feet category and beautiful OOFA.

I'll even add some different focal lengths into the mix.

This is the sharpest lens I own - a Pre-Ai 55mm f3.5 self-compensating Micro-Nikkor - it is astonishing. So astonishing that they adapted it for film camera use when making the original Star Wars films.

It isn't nearly as good at infinity though - but you can't touch it for extreme close to near distance.

Ok, we'll take it down a shade now - the above were made with the humble 40mm f2.8 D.Zuiko on an Olympus Trip.

Nothing too tardy here I can tell you - very sharp all round with nice qualities.

Something a bit wider now - the three above were made with a Pre-Ai 35mm f2 Nikkor.

Sheer quality and great OOFA and sharpness - also a favourite lens.

It has great 'pictorial' qualities.

                                                     

And finally, some bottom feeding. The lens above is a Nikkor again, however this time the widest I own - a 28mm f2.8 (non-zoom) Nikkor on the lowly AFS600 compact which I purchased for the grand sum of £5.

The lens is actually very sharp indeed and with minimal shutter lag, if you want an all electronic film camera for general purpose picture making then this would be a good choice . .  .if you can find one!

The rewind motor is as noisy as hell though.

***

So there you go.

Be honest, can you notice any discernible difference other than subject matter and focal length?
Of course lenses are different and the variations are enormous, and owning a nice lens, is a nice thing, but it really isn't the be-all and end-all as far as I can see.
Maybe I am being naiive and stupid, but to me, the important thing is to make photographs.

I had fun making these photographs and printing them - they are my take on things.

They haven't been over-analysed, or mulled over (very much) - they are all to a man, photographs, not lens tests.

So try and get on with things.

In the words of Bobby McFerrin:
Don't Worry, Be Happy

and in the words of Tommy McFerrett:

Nae Worries, Any Lenses, Happy Bunny

Life is short, good light is shorter.
Stop reading about differences, spend the time on learning photographic craft skills - they will always see you right, and get out and make some photographs you can be proud of!
There'll be no FB next week for the simple reason that I need to organise my negatives and get some printing done (yes . . even at my usual ungodly hour of the morning). It might not seem like a lot of work, but each FB is hand-crafted, lovingly carved from words and given a final buff-up before being presented to you . . in other words they take up a huge amount of creative time, and I have let my filing slide!
Also I need to freshen my brain up. Winter's coming up fast - if I want to entertain you I need to take some time out and think about what to write. And also, I am just not sure how long FB can go on. Yes it has sharpened my writing, and yes it has been fun . . but I am not sure how much more I have to say . . . so we shall see. I know I have some regular readers out there . . and a big thank you for that - it is appreciated. So we shall see. I will be back though, even if it is briefly (I've got some planned that'll have you wringing your withers . . .), so worryeth not!
Anyway, as usual, take care, God bless, thanks for reading . . over and out.